Yesterday was a hard day for me. All I could do was think about food and I kept on looking in the mirror, pinching at my love handle. Sunday’s always seem to be a day that I try to stay busy and do stuff so I don’t think about things. But that doesn’t help because after I am done doing all the things its back to thinking about the bad stuff. I finished laundry early and did my meal prepping. I feel that I was a little off track on my eating times and that caused me to be a little bit out of whack! I kept trying to play catch up. I want to say that was the cause. But I just think overall it’s not having someone I can call or text. I don’t have many friends and that limits the people who I can count on to be there for me. Plus I don’t tell many people that I have ED because I feel they can get judgy. I know that no one has the right to judge me for this but it still happens.
Last night I just really anxious. I was tired of just laying in bed and felt that I needed to get out of the house. I wanted to go buy some markers so I can start doing those stress coloring books. But I didn’t want to go to the store either because I knew that the state that I was in, I would end up buying a bag of chocolate or some kind of junk food and just binge. It was a horrible feeling but fought through it and just went to the store and bought what I needed to get. Went straight to the stationary and arts section. Got the pens and markers I needed and left as quick as I could. I got home and was able to find some of my old coloring books. I put on my headphones, listened to some R&B and started coloring. I felt somewhat relaxed. I was able to for a brief moment not think about food or my body. I just let go.